Attraction.

Happy Tuesday to you all! Hope everyone is well. Since the semester has started for me, I’ve thought about last year, whenever I entered into my final semester.

I spent the time in between my classes in the campus coffee shop. I went so often that my meal plan was basically spent on iced coffees; the employees knew my order the moment I walked in. I’d spend time taking notes, with friends, or have the opportunity to write freely— and feel hipster! Okay, maybe not the last one but I really loved writing in this place because of the atmosphere.

Just minding my own business, trying to take some notes.

Most of the time, I was alone. This was apparently a sign for an open invitation to have random guys come up and start talking to me, which is slightly scary. I was actually in the food court, adjacent to the coffee shop when this one guy in particular sat in the booth, occupying the empty seat across from me! I was listening to music and taking Linguistics notes, completely unaware of his presence until he threw himself into the booth.

I was startled. Like, where did this kid come from!? This happened the Spring semester of 2017. The guy was a freshman looking for people to talk to, I guess? Well, I was extremely awkward and didn’t want to be rude and leave; but I really wanted to. He was the type of guy that basically had a conversation with himself for a few hours. I would get a few words in, but he’d prattle on a few more minutes without my input.

Pests are pests sometimes.

When that first encounter ended, he’d try to talk to me in the coffee shop. I did not look forward to whatever conversation he tried to carry on about. He shared a different point of view and thought that only his perspective was the right one. That is not how life works, but alrighty!

The conversation in particular was mainly him trying to get me to go on a date with him.

Gosh. It was a ridiculous conversation.

Mainly, he was telling me his characteristics and why he would be a good boyfriend. I told him that I didn’t know if I saw a relationship with him.

I can’t remember how it went word for word, but it was pretty much like this:

“Well, why don’t you like me?” *insert lists of good qualities and characteristics* “What am I doing wrong?”

I don’t believe containing the nice qualities equals doing something wrong whenever the girl isn’t won over. It’s just not a fit.

I try to paint up an explanation for him: “Think of it this way. What if there were other guys that shared these same qualities as you? They could be great people, but if I don’t feel a connection to you, then it’s merely not there. What if I was attracted to every guy that shared these things, what would make it special once I liked him? A person can contain wonderful qualities, but if we aren’t attracted to one another beyond a friendship, then that just means it’s not meant for a romantic relationship.”

I may not remember how the conversation went completely, but I do remember the guy asking, “Well what do you mean not attracted to?”

No joke. A thorough explanation was needed, but it didn’t help.

To me, that seems self-explanatory. It would be such madness to have a crush or attraction to every nice guy that I get acquainted to. That’s what makes love special. It’s the fact that you can’t share that romantic level with just anyone. It happens only a few times in life, not many.

I sure hope the guy figured it out by now, but that always drove me up the wall whenever he was nearby. It got to the point where I would just be curt with answering him; he wouldn’t leave most of the time! I would sometimes text a friend and she’d come to join me, or say I had a class and was going to the bathroom. He would always disappear or not show up if I weren’t alone; and, he can’t follow me in a restroom!

He wasn’t intending to be creepy or a menace, but that’s what he became to me.

It just blew my mind that he didn’t understand what I meant when we can’t just be attracted to anyone, or in this case, him. I’m sure he was a good person, so was the guy in my literature class. That doesn’t mean that I should give him a chance if I didn’t feel a connection to him. Am I sounding crazy on that? Surely not.

It does suck whenever the law of attraction is not in our favor for someone that we grow to like, but it’s definitely not something to give up, ever. Even when there’s heartache involved, theres’s a magnet of an attraction pulling us elsewhere.

Your heart just seems to know sometimes, right?

It’s undeniable though. My heart seems to know even when my mind is trying to be logical about situations. Sure, things are adding up about him in my head, but my heart disagrees. That’s one thing I’ve always kept to remember. You can make your mind believe something all it wants, but the heart can’t be deceived as easily when it comes to how it truly feels.

The heart does overlook the negatives, the toxic characteristics, the detrimental aspects that create the heartbreak. I like to believe that the heart wants to see the pureness of someone and hold on to that after each wave of a red flag. It’s the attraction that pulls us in to learn more and hold on to that person. The heart does so much more and it takes the brutal aftermath whenever things fall through.

I don’t fully believe that love is blind; I’m currently working on my reason for that one for a post to come in the near future. Until I collect my thoughts, I shall delve into other things in the next post!