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Stephanie Ying Hawthorne

Stephanie

Stephanie

I adore the night time; when the rest of the world is asleep, I chat with the moon. Blogging about life and its lessons, with an occasional glimpse of things I love. ❀

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Hi, friends!

I just went to the store and probably spent waaay more than I should. In my defense, it’s been about two weeks since my last ginormous visit as well! So, any recipes could be great because I’m not quite sure of new dishes to make currently.

*I wrote this last summer, so I thought I would update some things, but the majority of the context is the original! I went down a trip through memory lane on my blog once again.

Let’s Talk About Adoption for a Little Bit.

Last summer, my mom was in a group conversation with women that she worked with. One of them was planning to adopt a baby that was recently born. As anyone can imagine, the lady is eager and nervous about this adoption becoming permanent.

Apparently in North Carolina, [I think that’s the state], the adoption consent can be revoked within 7 days if the mother decides to change her mind. In Tennessee, [where I currently reside], consent can be revoked within 10 days if someone’s mind changes about the adoption.

It’s not that simple since they have to have legal matters to settle these serious and life altering decisions.

I thought these were interesting laws, considering how someone could be set and sure with putting up a child for adoption, have an adopted family picked out, and then decide to keep the child after the first glimpse and contact. I suppose it’s fortunate for the birth parents, but disheartening to hear for the hopeful family that’s supposed to adopt the child.

I mean, I’m sure without a doubt that the mother’s perspective shifts immensely once she holds that newborn in her arms. It just tugs at my heart a little for the couple that doesn’t get the baby in the end. I’m sure they may adopt another child on down the road, but at that moment, it’s like a loss for them already.

I wasn’t aware of this as a child. Also, given the fact that I was born in China, the adoption laws there are quite different.

What’s crazy is how I scrolled online one night and found an article on Facebook.

I read only an article’s title, not clicking on the video that accompanied it, of a little boy. The title, “I’ll do anything for them,’ says 10-year-old who wishes for a new family, home.”

Now, I just skimmed and I cannot finish it because it brings tears to my eyes. If interested, it’s here. Don’t blame me for the any waterworks, I warned you!

I may watch the video later, but it’s heartbreaking to wish for this type of stability and love, when that’s all I’ve ever known, personally.

*Update: Still haven’t watched the video for more than about 5 seconds.

As a child, there are many things that went over my head. Adult conversations, worldly matters, and any further knowledge that my childish brain could not comprehend.

Within my childhood, there was a detail that was always prevalent that other kids brought up.

Why Didn’t I Look Like Them?

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Lovely photography taken by Kashner Photography.

One question I always heard from classmates was, “Where is your real mommy?” [As if my mom wasn’t my real mom, but young children didn’t understand adoption.]

My siblings also had these similar questions whenever other kids saw me.

I don’t remember my answers to these questions, but I know of one from the story that my mom said, “[I] am her real mommy, and I’m about as real as it gets!” to those seven year olds at my brother’s baseball game.

I was originally born in Fuzhou, China. I was adopted through an agency that was connected to my orphanage. I was 13 months, and I was fortunate to be adopted at such a young. There was one girl in the orphanage that was around 4 years old and she was in my adoption group. I could only wonder what all she still remembers– if she remembers anything at all that early in life.

What bothers me isn’t that I stand out for being Chinese American.

Personally for me, it’s the unknown. I despise it. I know little to hardly no information of my family history. I’m reminded of this as other people state how similar my sister looks like both of our parents. Which parent do I resemble the most? Whenever I’m at the doctor’s office, I have to check the ‘unknown’ box for the family history sections. Did I inherit this disease from anyone in my family, am I a carrier of something?

I don’t know and sadly, I never will.

There’s a slight age gap between my cousins and me– both are also adopted. They know more about their origins than I do. One of my cousins has met his mom. My other one knows a little about her mom. Maybe they haven’t reached that age where they are curious to learn more about their history yet.

I’m in my early twenties. Whereas, my cousins are in their mid-teens. We all have the common connection of being adopted and of different backgrounds than our family. I’ve never considered being someone that they could look up to, but I do hope that if they ever feel the way that I do, we could talk about it.

All these unknowns terrify me the most since there is nothing I can do to find the answers. I see these commercials where people can trace back their ancestors, but sometimes I feel bitter to not know just a tidbit about mine. I can’t put an identity to the name of my parents, but it would be the smallest piece of information I’d get.

It’s my fear and frustration of having questions and no way of finding the answers. 

In high school, a close friend and I would make up the identities of my parents for fun. I thought by speculating and creating stories about them would help me accept that I would never know this information. It somewhat fuels my creative and fictional side that I should exercise more.

At the end of the day, I just have to accept that I won’t ever know.

It may be unknown to who my birth parents are, but it’s no secret that I am loved so dearly by my family and I treasure that above all my unknowns.

I am quite fortunate and so, so thankful for such a wonderful family!

View More: http://heather-michellephotography.pass.us/stephanie--stephen-wedding

Also, some say I look like my dad. 😉

No, really. Some people have asked my mom if she married an Asian or half Asian man! Haha, it’s really funny, so that’s our running joke.

I would love to hear someone’s adoption story. Feel free to share! It’s crazy how life is knitted together in such a way to bring us to where we all are now.

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25 comments on “Adoption is Always an Option.

  1. Stephanie, this was such a heartwarming read and to actually get to hear from someone who is twenty years old about their life as an adopted child is a different experience all together! Thank you so much for writing this 🙂 and the first part of your article really did bring me to tears as well…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Soundarya! It’s definitely a different experience; I want to thank you for reading my post and leavening your sweet comment. I’m sorry for the tears too! I hope your day is lovely! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope you have a great day as well, Stephanie 🙂

        Like

    2. Michelle Gamblin says:

      I’m also adopted. It was never talked about when I was growing up. It was just something I always “knew.” I’ve never had any desire to look for my birth parents. As far as I’m concerned the only parents I have are the ones who raised me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are right about that. I certainly consider my parents my only parents, but I do have the ones who gave me up to thank. Otherwise, who knows what life would be like, right? Thank you for sharing a little about yourself! I’m always curious to know how others perceive being adopted.

        Like

  2. I’ve nominated you for The Liebster Award:
    https://dragonsinmycoffee.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/the-liebster-award-more-of-who-i-am/
    If your blog is award-free, please accept this nomination as a compliment 🙂

    Like

  3. What a beautiful post. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ayrgalaxy says:

    This is such a beautiful post! I’m not adopted so I cant relate to that sense, but I completely understand the feeling of not knowing your history or background and having the constant wonder of who your real parents are or what they might be like. Your parents sound like such a wonderful family though, as they’ve given you so much love. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading! It’s definitely not something to think much about when you’re young– unless kids bring it up with their blunt ways, haha! I’m pretty lucky to have been adopted by a wonderful family. Thank you for stopping by, and I hope you have a fabulous day!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ayrgalaxy says:

        I think as adults were just so used to overthinking things a lot more too that there are times when we just happen to overlook what we already have. But I’m glad you are choosing to think on the bright and positive side. You are so welcome, I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You couldn’t have said that any better! I definitely agree on that. Thanks again, I hope yours is sunny and not rainy like my day is starting off! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Danielle says:

    This is a wonderful post! I know several adopted children and teens, but no adults. It’s great to hear it from a different perspective!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I love hearing from others about their stories.

      Like

  6. Dawn Kaseoru says:

    Your story brought tears to my eyes, you see, I have three adopted children, and they were all divinely sent to me! I wouldn’t change a thing of the past. I was sad when I found out I couldn’t conceive, but now….I am grateful I wasn’t able to, because I could not have made better kiddos! I love them with all my heart and am truly blessed! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awh, thank you for sharing a little bit about your story! I admire people so much that choose to adopt. From what my mom tells me, it’s an anxious and tedious process with the paperwork and the adoption itself.

      I cannot imagine what you had to go through, but I’m certainly glad to hear that things have worked out so wonderfully for you! You have truly been blessed in many ways! 🙂

      Like

  7. hctaylor2 says:

    This is so beautifully written. I have several adopted cousins and my husband and I considered adoption ourselves before we discovered why we couldn’t have children, maybe one day we will still add a child to our hearts and home. I truly believe that adoption is a blessing and that love is what matters most. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I’m sorry for your hardships, and I strongly agree with you about adoption. It’s a beautiful experience, and I still tear up when my mom tells my adoption story! Whatever your decision is, just remember that it’s never too late. I wish you many blessings for the future!

      Like

  8. Laurie says:

    As a fellow adoptee, I totally understand the unknown and how it nags at you. I love your outlook on your adoption! I have always known I was adopted, and it wasn’t something that consumed me when I was younger, but as I got older, got married, and now have children of my own, it became more of a nagging issue. I am fortunate to have located my biological family recently, and I am getting to know them all. I even started my own blog to write about my experience, hoping to not only help me adjust but also help others. If you are interested, please feel free to check out my blog at adventuresofanadoptee.com. Thank you for sharing your story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting! That’s really cool that you’ve gotten to know your biological family. I look forward to reading about your story since I am quite curious and would love to read about adoption from someone else’s perspective!

      Like

  9. sarahbadillo says:

    This is so beautiful, Stephanie! My best friend is adopted. She’s Mexican and was adopted into a caucasian family. She’s always told me that she feels like a “fake” Latina or that she can’t claim her culture. In fact, she doesn’t know 100% that she’s Mexican. I try my best to encourage her and let her know her story and culture are valid, whatever that may be. That’s something she’s currently working through. Thanks for your insight and perspective!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sarah! Oh wow, now that you bring that up, I do remember someone also telling me that I’m not “really” Chinese because I don’t celebrate the culture. It was teenagers just being mean back then for me, but that’s terrific that you can assure her. Oh yes, I find that all of our stories and cultures valid! I hope she’s not struggling with it too much. It’s a process on how to embrace it and not let others bother us about it! Besides, why does it matter them anyways? Thank you for reading and sharing as well, hope your day is great! 🙂

      Like

  10. Hunida says:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, Stephanie! I love sweet adoption stories. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for stopping by to read, Hunida! I love reading them as well, there are so many unique perspectives to take in with each story!

      Liked by 1 person

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