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Stephanie Ying Hawthorne

Stephanie Hawthorne

Stephanie Hawthorne

I adore the night time; when the rest of the world is asleep, I chat with the moon. Blogging about life and its lessons, with an occasional glimpse of things I love.

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what i ponder.

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I’m a huge paradox of stuff that probably won’t make sense. I’m an indecisive person that can never decide. I’ll think of my choice, but I don’t want to say it out loud, in case people don’t agree with me. I’ll usually agree with whomever I’m with and let that person decide. I’m the less picky one, I usually find something on a menu if we go out to eat. I hate staying up late sometimes because of where my mind trails off to, but then again, I absolutely love it because that’s when some of my best and truthful stuff is written. Sometimes, it’s my favorite piece I’ve written. 

I don’t like making choices, but I like having the option of making a choice. Funny how that seems to be the case. I’d like to believe humans make all the right choices, but we do not. In my skewed mind, I think not having the choice, is worse than making the wrong choice. 

Agreed? If not, that’s okay too. This ranges from social to political situations that are fairly relevant, but I won’t delve into politics on my blog, that just gets way too messy for my liking.

Looking back, I do wonder what other opportunities would have led me to some victorious and brilliant things if I would have picked this decision, or that one. Then again, life is pretty satisfying right now. I just like to daydream. I can’t help but speculate sometimes if I did “lose” or “miss” something else that would’ve been great. I guess that the poet in me to romanticize a bunch of stuff, haha.

Every other choice though that I have made, I’m living it. It is fun to imagine my parallel life of the opposite decision, sometimes I write about that as my muse and it’s fun for a while.

I get how overwhelming it is to have so many choices in life. I know that a new calendar year enacts as this suddenly shift to change our lives after 365 days.

My question was, why wait until a new year to switch up our regular lifestyle?

It’s not as if there’s a sudden shift in the world and everything feels completely different; but, maybe that’s just me since I’m getting older and all the days and years seem to bleed in together?

It somewhat feels satisfying to have a new planner, I will admit, but it’s not like I’m trying to completely change up a lifestyle. Power to you all that are wanting to improve your lives if you are setting goals! I’m not shaming that, I just wonder why for a new calendar year!?

It’s as if some people I know just give up in September and they’ll “try again next year.” That mentality confuses me. There’s still a hundred and some days of this year; you’re going to let the last 2/3 of the year’s effort go to waste? Inconceivable!

*I’m not completely sure how I derailed the content of my own blog subject, but I kind of like it and I shall stick with it; it reflects my own conversations with people sometime, but I always find my way back – eventually!

Personally, I do think with my age and experience as the time is passing, I have noticed the amount of times I have been decisive. There’s a new type of assertiveness that I’m starting to get the hang of. I also contribute this to watching tv shows because I’ll pretend to be in a character’s position.

I am restarting One Tree Hill so I’m sure I’ll have some more blog worthy posts since I relate so much to a few characters. The series left me in so many tears! It’s funny to think sometimes.

For this year, it’s not a resolution, but a continuation of making choices, to not let life make the choices for me because I lacked the assertiveness to do so.

This is all I have for now; I’m holding back on some posts I’ve written because they just don’t seem like the most appropriate time to post them. Their time shall come in the future!

Anyways, I hope everyone has had a great day so far! Hopefully I’ll get out of this blogging funk and write more meaningful posts.

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2 comments on “Choose or lose.

  1. wchimesjim says:

    This was a super meaningful post 🤗 Its a great topic for discussion too. I think people like to have a ” starting point ” on a way that we line up for a race. Its ” here I am, acknowledge me and what I’m about to do “. I think most successful changes are made quietly though, just doing it without broadcasting. When the pressure of doing it for the attention of the crowd gets too much, we tend to fail. I had been planning, after my last job , to not work again. Just be retired. Knowing that I would not be getting exercise as much anymore, I decided that the day after I retired, I would get up and exercise every morning. Now, I hate to exercise and I’ve never had an exercise routine in my life except for hiking and gardening. But that Sept 6, 2017 I started. I didn’t let anyone know. A year and a half later, I haven’t missed a day except for vacations. No one really knows the extent of my decision and I have never been healthier in my life. I still hate to exercise, but I love the results. Beyond that, we have unlimited choices in everything. I do meditate and I usually try and follow my intuition on what’s best for me or for the masses, if others are involved. Just love yourself and trust your feelings and most of your choices will be good ones. I so look forward to reading your thoughts, you are an amazing woman and your thoughts reflect your beautiful heart! Thanks , as always ❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It does seem like a regular starting point for resolutions and new changes, but I completely agree on the more successful changes being done in privately! I’m sure no successful writer, actor, or athlete will document the very beginning of success by proclaiming on every platform.

      That’s a wonderful goal for you to have made, and that’s so impressive to not miss a non-holiday exercise routine type of day!

      What’s funny to me is, even though say 9 months of a span of time – for example, it sounds shorter to start January and make it to September, I don’t know why, haha. Yet, if I wanted to start something in June and continue until March, that feels just so much longer, maybe it’s because it’s the remaining half of the year and a quarter of the next? Haha, it was just a funny way my brain perceived the same span of time in two different ways. Not sure if other’s feel like it’s different as well or not, but a funny thought for the day!

      Anyways, back to the goals, I’m proud of you and I hope you keep it up! 🙂 Thank you once again for your insightful words and your wisdom as well! ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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