I’ve missed blogging the past two weeks. I put it on the back burner for a little bit due to moving and the wedding – that’s no excuse, but that’s all I have for now.
It’s a nice surprise to see this new editor setting; I’ll have to play around with it once I have a chance! Actually, does anyone know how to insert the featured image from the posting directly? It appears that we have to find a picture elsewhere rather than the library? I cheated by reverting back to the old editor to insert the featured image now, but I don’t know how to for the new one. Thank you in advanced even if I do manage to figure it out!
Life lesson time!
I don’t know if you are like me when it comes to this – hopefully not, but when one little minuscule thing goes wrong, I will self-destruct and allow my brain to think all sorts of terrible things about myself, putting myself down levels lower than my actual worth.
For instant, I went to the social security office this morning to get my name changed. Easy enough, right? Evidently not for me. I had a small feeling that I would need my original birth certificate, but that’s with my mom at her house; so, I just brought my marriage certificate, driver’s license, and social security card.
I waited for an hour to be called; I filled my time by reading a book on my kindle and listened to some strange conversations around me. Slightly concerning, but I kept to myself.
Once the lady called my number, I stated why I was there and handed her the information I brought. She immediately asked me if I notified homeland security – it puzzled me since, why would I need to do that? Clearly I am a citizen.
During that moment, that made me angry for her to assume that I was an alien in the U.S. and I had to have all sorts of other documentation to prove my citizenship. Stereotype triggers set me off, but I remained calm and asked her for more information. I stated that I was a citizen, but I didn’t have my birth certificate or other documents with me to prove this.
I mean, weren’t the documents I provided enough proof!? I suppose it’s all part of the system, right? Yet, I thought the system itself should have my proof in it, but what do I know? I don’t want to get in the technical stuff since I don’t have a desire to research more of it for the time being.
The lady acted surprised whenever I told her I was already a citizen. It wasn’t until halfway through the process when she initially stated that I needed a passport or other identification to prove I was a citizen, instead of stating that from the beginning, before we even started delving into the other stuff.
In the end, she said she has to informally deny my request to update my social security card with my last name. She was actually a little nicer once she realized I wouldn’t be rude back to her. I’ll just need to bring my birth certificate and I should be successful next time.
So, this is where the self-sabotaging begins.
I called and texted my mom about the situation, then cried a mixture of anger and frustration that I couldn’t do this simple task on my own and be successful. I started to cause myself to feel inadequate over the lesser of things in life that I still don’t know how to do. I don’t know why this is my go-to thought process, but it creates a pattern that I keep repeating.
I continuously have to question myself, put myself down over small incidents. I wonder how everyone else seems to figure this situation out, or known how to overcome another. I always wonder why I can’t seem to figure it out sometimes.
After I had my crying session, I was fine and rerouted my thinking, as I always do.
I then have a mini lesson to hype up my true value and I’m kinder to myself. Like everyone else has said to me, I’m young and I’ll figure it out as life progresses. I know this, but I still allow my detrimental thoughts to chip my exterior. I’ll continuously need to work on being kinder to myself, but acknowledging it first helps me grow and become slightly stronger after each time.
Now, I just have to keep reminding myself of this and how much growth I still have in this world. I love the growth and progress of my past experiences. I should be more positive about my faults because they build me up for greater success.
I hope everyone else is keeping the positive outlooks and have a wonderful week!