search instagram arrow-down

Stephanie Ying Moore

Stephanie Moore

Stephanie Moore

I adore the night time; when the rest of the world is asleep, I chat with the moon.

View Full Profile →

what i ponder.

catch up.

what's your email? i want us to stay connected!

This is a topic I’m curious to know what other people have to say:

What do you think about girl code, or even bro code? 

The answer to this question is not black and white to me. Overall, I don’t really believe there should be a girl code – the “off limits” rule when you boil it down. Under certain circumstances, I mean omitting the malicious and caddy intentions some girls do have against one anther. I won’t even discuss the bro code since I don’t have that perspective or mindset; but, from some blogs that I’ve stumbled across, it has a more “go for it” attitude between the guys.

Let’s face it. Girls can be downright mean — adding a love interest just flares up their behavior.

When it comes to pettiness or a revengeful mindset, I don’t believe a girl should try to date a friend’s ex or fling. I do think it’s okay for a girl with pure intentions to date her friend’s ex. Yet, it depends on these few, but not limited, factors I consider:

  • If the friend is without a hint or shadow of doubt over this guy.
  • How long ago did they did? If it were high school, or even younger [which I don’t even count middle school]. We are clearly not the same people in high school vs. years later and now.
  • How long did they date, how deep were the feelings?
  • How/Why did it end?
  • Was the relationship healthy?

There are other factors to consider, but I’d feel like I’d be typing up a bunch of rules and regulations all day. I do like to consider these more heavily.

My brother’s story is filled with both girl and bro breaking.

Nick was dating Amanda in his sophomore year in high school. He broke up with her a few months later. His best friend, Chris started dating her [and they are happily married with a baby girl!] To add to the story, Chris first dated Amanda’s stepsister before he even started dating Amanda.

A story like this makes it seem extremely silly to not date someone just because they were a friend’s ex. Amanda and Chris are beyond happy with one another. Should Nick dating her first really stop Chris from pursing Amanda? Should Amanda’s stepsister have a say so if Amanda was ‘allowed’ to date Chris? Absolutely not – given that they are meant to be together. Nick is happily married as well, so they all got their happy endings.

It’s funny how we could potentially be dating our friend or sibling’s soulmate. The unknown future gives us that right to pursue the relationship to see if it really could go anywhere. Who gives ourselves the power to determine who dates whom?

I’d like to believe everyone has pure intentions when dating their friend’s ex. Unfortunately, I know that it’s not the case. Some merely go for someone for the revenge [silly to think], or just pursue to pursue out of boredom [cruel].

I never understood why there even was a girl code since I would want nothing but the best for my friends. Depending on the dating situation between a guy and me, if an ex was interested in a friend, I would encourage it – as long as it wasn’t a toxic relationship. I’d even have a step up in knowing who the guy was and how he acts. Who knows, the guy may surprise my friend.

I know this situation would be a little uncomfortable at first, but what if my friend and ex were meant to be together? I shouldn’t be the one to stop two people from dating. Besides, what if we broke up mainly because we didn’t feel the same about one another, is that a valid excuse to not let a friend date the ex?

Perhaps my relationship with an ex may have prepared him for his future relationship for the one he’s supposed to be with. I was merely a stepping stone in his love life, just like those in my past acted as my stepping stones to lead me to my relationship now.

Girl code – by my definition, should mean that girls should look out for one another. If there is something suspicious going on with a girl, I would want to check up on her to see if the situation isn’t threatening. I encourage us to ask how we are doing. Walk with a girl that appears frightened or shaken up. Safety in numbers.

We have power and we should use it wisely, not use it against ourselves.

Screen Shot 2018-05-30 at 4.07.58 PM

4 comments on “Breaking the codes.

  1. wchimesjim says:

    Hmmm, I tend to agree with you. While I would never intentionally hurt a friend, if his relationship with a woman is over, I think she’s as available as anyone . I’ve had it happen to me and by me, and though I know it felt bad to see a friend with a girl i dated, i knew inside our relationship was finished. And i agree that the universe steers you towards certain souls, and maybe you have to wait until they are available, but as long as you don’t try and break anyone up, i think you must follow your own heart. This was a ” thinker ” , Steph, great post and opinion 🤗🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree! I also think there’s a growth in maturity if someone a friend does date an ex, or you personally date a friend’s ex, and there is no conflict within the relationships. Thank you once again, Jim! 🙂

      Like

  2. Hunida says:

    100% agree with everything you said. I like your style of girl code much better. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! If only others would follow the same, it’d change the whole game of it!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply
Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: