Hello on this Tuesday! I’m actually getting to post in the morning. It feels great to actually have it together and on schedule! This is somewhat long, I’m trying to shorten my posts but this keeps happening! I’ve got a lot to say sometimes, haha.
We’ve all heard the saying, “love is blind.”
I don’t believe this well known statement is true or valid to use in scenarios. I know why it’s used, but I can’t fully agree with it. Love has been associated with many nouns and adjectives to describe the experience of it. I believe it’s the toxic characteristics that are blind to a person. Complicated as it sounds, I believe someone can love underneath the layers of someone that isn’t good for them, that a person can love and be blind to toxic characteristics and consequences.
We all know what toxic relationships look like from the outside. Sometimes it includes shutting a person out, or neglect to show care, or when someone’s actions and words don’t match up.
It involves different aspects that are still regarded as an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes, it’s the fear of independence apart from the person, coasting within the relationship while relying on one person — one-sided efforts. It’s the type that gives and gives to a person that doesn’t reciprocate a fraction of the effort in return.
Toxicity contains shades and different degrees of red flags.
What surges this current topic is a lifelong friend of mine that includes a complicated obstacle with her boyfriend. It’s more of the family members that would wedge them apart, if the secret was known.
That’s a can of worms even more complicated; I shan’t delve into that either. I do believe that would improve the current situation, though.
Back on my main focus, my two best friends are currently patching up their friendship after this situation, and they’re both in my wedding! I’m just hoping that they’ll remain civil during the event because I don’t want that to affect everyone else, and I am not dealing with that.
I wrote this on the last week of August; a few things have changed so I’ll update it on the second part.
Outside opinion of longtime friend’s relationship with forbidden boyfriend.
*I am stating that since I do not live in the same city as them currently, I do now know the full extent of the relationship, but I visited for a weekend and this was my observation. It’s probably what I observed to be the truth because I have verified the relationship with my roomie.
Longtime friend and I have known each other since we were 5. It was her graduation this past May and I stayed from Thursday – Sunday at the apartment. I wanted to spend some time with her since I was only in town for a little bit. Longtime friend and roomie are leasing an apartment together for a year. I expected to spend more time with longtime friend since I hadn’t seen her since my graduation in December. So, I did expect to hang out with her.
It was a little odd being there since longtime friend spent most of her time with forbidden boyfriend. Instead of hanging out with roomie and me, she and her boyfriend went into her room and stayed to themselves for the rest of the night. I hung out with roomie; it was great, I did miss her and we had so much to catch up on! I did find it a little hurtful that longtime friend didn’t want to spend time with us apart from her boyfriend though.
What I observed
Longtime friend and her boyfriend pay separately. Now, this is foreign to me, but I know of other couples that go dutch sometimes whenever one or the other doesn’t have enough money. No, this happens every time. Or, I’ve heard that longtime friend pays for both of their meals. Rarely does her boyfriend pay for them.
He doesn’t contribute to monetary fees. He’s there literally 24/7 since he doesn’t have his license. He doesn’t help pay for rent, groceries, or any of the utilities that are added costs that my friends have to pay.
He doesn’t strive to better himself. He doesn’t have a license, nor a job. He isn’t making an attempt to learn how to drive or search for a job. I think an important part is, he isn’t helping longtime friend strive to become a better version of herself.
Summing up the situation: Longtime friend has forbidden boyfriend living with her and roomie / best friend in their apartment. My roomie has been uncomfortable with the situation since the beginning of summer. She finally wrote longtime friend a letter stating how she felt about it. Boyfriend gets kicked out, my friends are in a dispute and are no longer friends. I am trying to figure out the stories and which aspects match up.
Missing information from one party for sure.
The situation would be different completely if the boyfriend was actually contributing in their relationship. Trying to find a job, to better himself, to support him and my best friend for their futures – if he’s fully committed. Roomie mentions how the boyfriend doesn’t try to find a job or even learn how to drive.
It’s a difficult situation for sure with the amount of red flags that I’ve noticed so far.
Why do I say that love isn’t blind?
I’ll delve into that next Tuesday since this post is quite lengthy. Have a lovely day and week!