It’s Saturday and a lot has being going on. For the time being, I can’t post on Fridays like I’ve been failing to do. For the time being, I’ll just remain posting on Tuesdays.
I’m the type of person that creates unnecessary stress and worry on myself. I envy those people that can say exactly what they’re feeling and can talk about it without becoming an emotional puddle.
I’ve been letting the stress of job searching, the wedding planning, and selfishness overshadow what matters in life.
I’ve felt bad about the past 3 times I’ve spent time with Stephen; I’ve had a cry fest over something. Each time, he’s always been patient and comforting to what I’ve had to say.
He feels helpless when I get like this, and it isn’t fair to him to witness my meltdowns. He then told me that we are a team and that we can talk about anything, that I don’t have to keep handling stuff alone.
This is when I finally realize that communication is a critical key in life.
Of course I knew this, I just disregard it each time because I’ve felt as if I have to handle on my own to spare the other person in my past relationships. I used to think it’s my own fault and my own burden that I should just deal with it on my own and resolve it to move on. I’d rather not let the person know my struggles and push past them on my own.
I can’t do that to myself, or anyone else that I know and love because it’s more harmful I’ve learned.
I admitted to Stephen that I have difficulty with communicating what I’m feeling and that I need to work on it. So, last night, I told him after an hour or so of tearing up and crying.
He knows how to cheer me up and always has. This time, he made light of the situation and joked around by saying that all these tears are from all the ramen noodles I’ve eaten! This is probably a high probability due to all the sodium, haha. I did finally let him in about my mix of stress and worries.
I felt so relieved and the weight lifted from all that I’ve been holding on to. Despite the difficulty, I do want to be able to talk to Stephen about anything, rather than bottle it up. He’s never given me a reason not to and it’s a wonderful experience to know and love him.
This is merely another personal struggle I am learning on how to deal with. I know for sure that I don’t have to always battle it alone because I have a teammate to help me and be my shoulder to cry on when needed.
I’m still learning and improving. I hope everyone else’s Saturday is going well today. Stay safe and strong!