“If I would have met you three years ago, before her [his fiancée at the time], things would have been different.”
It was my first year, Spring semester of community college, when a guy in one of my classes said this to me. I was 18 and he was 21[?] — engaged to be married within the year.
It was near the end of the semester; I met up with him for a group project and we decided to have lunch, then walk to class together afterwards. This is where he said things would have been different if we met prior to him meeting his fiancée. I wish I’d remember what I said to him then, but that statement is one that I’ve thought about for years.
I do remember telling him that he probably shouldn’t have said that to me; his response was something like, “Why? I can admit it all I want, but it’s what I do about it that matters.”
There was another time where he said, “I can’t talk to her [his fiancée] about stuff like I can with you.” I hope by now that he’s learned to work out that type of conversation with her. He just pulled me into that equation somehow. No worries though, I never pursued that because it wasn’t my business whatsoever.
Honestly, I didn’t want to argue about the situation, so I just let it pass.
I had this mini series on my Tumblr called, “Conversations we should have had.” It consisted of mostly real scenarios I’ve had with people that I made up how I wish it would have gone. What I wish I would have said instead now that I’ve had time to articulate my response. [I love writing this series and everything else I did with Tumblr; I should work on one after this post!]
It was something to keep my creative spark going and a way for me to say what I really wanted to reply back to people, but I didn’t have the nerves for the conversation. The fictional sparks were from television shows I watched and a line that struck me that I wanted to put myself in the character’s shoes to empathize with.
Since this statement resonated with me — beyond my friendship with this guy, I incorporated this in my series. It’s a walk down my writing memory lane, so I’ll share it in its original form; no capitalization — yay!
I posted it here, but it’ll also be listed down below. The writing is premature since I wrote this about 6 years ago, but it still contains some of what I meant to say back during our time.
“if i would have met you three years ago, before her, things would have been different.” he told me as we were walking to our speech class together. “i proposed to her last year, and i only knew her a year before i did.”
at the time, i found this so flattering for someone to say this. “things would really be different?” i question him.
“well yeah, if i would’ve met you before her, we could have been something great.” he seemed so sure of saying this. i laughed a little at this.
i should have shaken my head and said to him, “no, things wouldn’t have been different. say you would have met me before her, i don’t think that three years ago i would have been emotionally and mentally ready for someone like you. things wouldn’t have been different because if we would have fallen completely for one another, it wouldn’t matter because she would have came along and i’d be the one heartbroken. it wouldn’t matter how much in love we were, you would’ve left me for her if you were meant to be.” i told him as i envisioned the band already on his left hand.
I realized after a while that I did learn something from that experience; hence, the reason why I imagined that response. Each relationship I’ve encountered, it taught me how to take on my next relationship. What I hoped to be my last each time if I corrected my mistakes before another relationship grew too deep.
Now, summing up all the things I’ve learned from each person, it added up. I wholly got what I deserved after learning from the past.
Flashing forward to now, I understand why it wouldn’t have worked with this guy even if we did have a chance. We share different views and lifestyles completely. He isn’t a terrible person in the slightest, I still think well of him. It verified to me that there would not be that type of romantic future with him and I am grateful of his friendship during that stage of my life.
Tough as it is to grasp, this is how life works. Why people that spark the slightest attraction for us gives something to carry on to the ultimate type of flame. There’s some pain and burning from the ones that didn’t last, but it’s the process of learning how to let them go and accept it.
This somewhat follows along with my previous post about the what ifs of relationships. I mean, that relationship could have been pursued under different circumstances, but for how long? How long until one of us ended it and we were left with some heartbreak afterwards? How long until that relationship ran its course to merely force us to part ways?
It’s a lot to ponder, but I don’t feel as bad for the relationships that didn’t work out since I like to believe the other guy ended up where he needed to be.
If anyone has experienced a similar situation, I would love to know how that turned out for you.